Perfectly mediocre kids & super proud of it!

July, 2023

Being a mum of 2, I often find myself part of discussions where parents proudly share their kids' achievements, the stellar scholar results, the scholarships, the top grades, the athletic awards, the amazing ballet performance etc. Then there are parents, like myself, who don't have anything in particular to brag about their children when it comes to academic or sport attainments, that tangible validation of merit through grades, awards or medals. Being that parent in those show-off conversations (and I mean it in a good way not a mean bitchy kind of way), many times have I felt poorly about my kids and their non-achievements. I have parted from these chit chat groups not feeling very good about myself and my children. That failed parenting guilt trip.

But thank God it only takes a short while after walking away from these types of conversations to shake off that 'mediocrity' feeling and dump it in the trash. Then good old plain rationale kicks in where basic wisdom reminds me how stupid I am for feeling belittled even in the slightest. My kids are NORMAL kids and having mediocre kids is OK. More than OK. Actually it's great. They don't have to constantly live up to super high expectations, they don't need to continuously strive to maintain the already high bar they set for themselves. They don't need to prove anything. They are normal kids, normal people with normal mediocre achievements.

But I need to be honest with you. It took me a few school report cards (many actually) to fully accept and finally embrace the fact that my kids are average at school and that that, is actually OK. Most kids go through and graduate from primary/ junior school with top grades. This misleads the majority of parents (like me) into believing that these top grades will continue throughout the school lifespan. But then comes middle and high school and in combination with this magical phase called PUBERTY (lest we forget that great phase in life!) to drastically change the school report card results...downwards ⬇️⬇️. There goes the straight A report card!!!

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My kids (now in middle and high school) are not naturally studious, actually they study the absolute bare minimum and I have also accepted that even if they were to boost their studying to the max, they would at best be B-grade students and that would probably come with a lot of personal (for them) sacrifice -> giving up time with friends, going out, sports etc something that I myself would not like them to sacrifice.

Settling with mediocrity does not mean that I am not all for striving for improvement. I choose my words carefully, not striving for success or perfection. Instead, simply striving for improvement. Striving for a little bit of betterness every day. Not just at school but at everything.

(As I write this, I realize that 'mediocre' is a strong word. It has more of a 'bad' connotation rather than a good one. It's actually exactly the same as using the word 'average' which sounds less harsh, lighter, but for the sake of emphasizing the points I want to make, I will continue to use the word mediocre.)

Mediocrity does not spell failure. It does not spell doom. And what is success anyway? Who are we as parents to define what our children's success should look like. With 2 parents working in highly esteemed multinationals, if one of my sons was to later in life open a tattoo shop, should I consider that as a success or a failure? We all are molded to think that high grades lead to a worthy and successful career path. But who defines what a successful career path needs to look like? We need corporate managers as much as we need tattoo artists. We need data scientists and AI gurus as much as we need hairdressers! (AI certainly won't eliminate hairdressers!)

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In my world, mediocrity and parental pride co-exist in the most harmonious way.

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I am proud to be proud of WHO my kids and not WHAT achievements my kids can already add to their CV. My proudest and happiest moments are when people, parents, teachers, coaches tell me how well-mannered my kids are, what kind, sensitive and caring people they are, all those TRUE and meaningful human qualities I could aspire my kids to have. And I am not saying that top students aren't ALSO these things, but I think we should relentlessly highlight to our kids just how proud we are of WHO THEY ARE, not what they have achieved. Priceless.

My proudest moment(s) as a soccer mum, is having the kid who started off as by far the WORST player on the team (and I mean REALLY BAD), but who as someone with absolutely zero inferiority complex about being the worst player on the team managed through dedication and love for the game to become a valuable defense player, a sportsman who respects his opponents, who loves his sport and has never missed a training session, who is a team player and will give his full self to his team. There are no medals involved, no top scorer awards, no MVP, no player of the match. Just pure, genuine commitment, dedication and passion. What is there NOT to be super proud of.

And as school grades come in every semester (often with lower and lower grades!), I look past the grades to see qualities of sharp social and interpersonal skills, I see leadership qualities, I see a skillful and winning negotiator, I feel the humour, the authenticity, the thirst for life. I see a welcoming young man who wins everyone over from all age groups, be it a 3-yr olds toddler to 70yr old. This is what I am silently proud of.

I don’t need high grades, scholarships, medals or MVP awards. I feel proud of my kid's mediocrity every single day. And I am perfectly ok with that.